Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
