Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
