I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
