Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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