Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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