are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
