I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
