was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
