Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You need Xanax blowdarts
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
