i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
