My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
