well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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