So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
