Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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