Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
