You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
