were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
