i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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