The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize