glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
