Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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