no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
