Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
