Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
