Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
