Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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