Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
