My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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