She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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