if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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