Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
