I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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