Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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