Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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