You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
