Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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