Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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