no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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