you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
