need another drink. this is the easiest way
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So squirting runs in the family.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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