Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
