I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
