I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
