I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
