I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
