He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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