I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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