apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
