just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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