I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
