I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
